in a mood

September 30th, 2008

6:05 PM

S.B. is making supper. Little Man is jumping around, playing. We just got back from a visit to the Westland Mall. Two new shirts for S.B. and one new shirt for me. All of them 70% off. We shop for bargains. Sorta have to since she's the only one bringing dough into this outfit.

Had another interview recently. Nailed it. Felt very good about it. Was 85% sure that I was going to be the next Technical Editor at this particular company. But we all know how that goes. Good feelings and nailing an interview just don't cut it these days. Often times there are other things going on behind the scenes.

Maybe I asked for too much money. There could have been someone with more editing experience. Even could have been someone with an in. In any case, I did not get the job. So, here I will remain. Writing when I can. Taking care of the house. Immersed in this life of Daddy-Day-Care.

It's not a bad gig. I love it. The only problem is wondering how we're going to make it if we have another kid. If we ever want to live a little more freely. And covering our asses if something bad ever happens. What if I drop dead tomorrow? What if one of us gets sick? What if S.B. loses her job?

I suppose we would deal with it. Roll with the punches. Carry on. As we always do. Head up. Moving forward. Staying true.

Boy, we were brought up right.

My folks sacrificing so much. Doing all they could to make sure that no matter how many bad decisions I made, I'd wind up on the right path. And S.B. with incredible parents. Loving, supportive, keep-at-it kind of folks that make me feel honored to be part of her family.

And somehow I know that even though I'm just an unemployed, stay-at-home, wanna-be-writer Dad, things will be okay. S.B. does her part. I do mine. Together, we make a helluva a team. One that puts Bill Gates and Oprah to shame.

Enough of that.

Read more of "Pilgrim's Bay" today. Not sure if it was my frame of mind, or because I'm itching to move on to the next level of my writing career, but I hated that book. Today, I absolutely hated it. Did not feel close to it. Did not like the characters. Did not like the minimalistic style and everyman narrative voice that I've been working so damned hard at for years. Thought it was all pretentious bullshit. And realized why so many agents have turned it down.

But maybe I'm in a mood.

Cold wind blowing up into this upstairs room. Leaves breaking free. Will be a chilly one tonight. But supper will warm me. S.B. and Little Man will by my night light. And I will do everything I can to sleep. So that tomorrow I can rise. Give this life another crack. Make some more marks in time.

~ K.J.



(copyright 2008 by K.J. Stevens)